Empty And Fake Relationships (Part 4)

I was not thinking of doing another Part for this Post, but here it is. 

Love is not an action. It is not something that can be brought into existence by practice or effort. It cannot be bought or sold. It cannot be forced. Fake love, yes… but not true love.

True love comes about effortlessly, on its own. 

There is a famous Zen saying which I like very much: Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and grass grows by itself. 

In the case of love, I would say, sitting quietly, doing nothing, the ego disappears and love grows by itself.

That’s how love happens. On its own, not through the machinations of the mind. Not through efforts to make someone love us or our own efforts to love someone.

It is like the fragrance of a flower, which needs no effort and flows by itself.

Just sitting quietly, doing nothing, you can undertake an inner journey and reach a place which is so silent and so still that time stops. Time is movement. When there is utter silence and stillness, time stops. 

Also, in utter silence and stillness, the ego disappears, the ‘I’ and the ‘You’ disappear. And when ‘I’ and ‘You’ disappear, all the problems, all the issues, all the divisions disappear. 

And in that state, when there is no movement, no time, no division, what is left behind is what was there at the beginning. The eternal, ever flowing nothingness and bliss. Life comes full circle. 

From nothingness to nothingness. 

From bliss to bliss. 

From love to love. 

Some call it meditation. Others call it nirvana. Jesus calls it the Kingdom of Heaven

When a child is born, it knows nothing but love. It has nothing but a blissfulness. That love and that blissfulness comes back when we reach that place of utter silence and stillness.

That is exactly why Jesus said that to go to his “Father’s Kingdom”, we will have to become like children.

A child does not look at you with love because it wants something from you. It will look at you with love even when it is seeing you for the first time and when it does not need anything from you. That is the definition of true love. A child is the personification of love.

The day you can look at someone with love like a child does, without wanting anything from that person, you have gone back to what you were once. You have gotten back the eyes you had once. You have gotten back the heart and mind you had once. You have travelled back to the age of innocence.  

That is the re-birth Jesus was talking about when he said, “— no one can see the Kingdom of God unless they are born again”. (John 3)

That is the repentance he was talking about in Matthew 4: 17 – “Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven has come near”

He was telling us to return to our age of innocence. Be like children. Love like children. Be blissful like children.

When we can love like children, when we can be kind and gentle to others, like children, then we are capable of true relationships, relationships which are not about the fake love which tries to possess and control people, but about real love which sets people free and empowers and enables them to set others free. And, most importantly, when we become capable of true love, we set ourselves free. The empty and fake relationships fall away, we become detached and unchained and we start flowing in the eternal flow of that true, childlike love.  

Then, the meaning of ‘family’ changes. The whole world is our family.

And also, at another level, the whole concept of ‘charity’ and ‘helping others’ becomes redundant. I cannot give charity, I cannot help ‘others’. Because there is no one but me. There is no ‘other’. And I can only help myself.

That is true love. That is the only real relationship. It is my relationship with myself.

So, if you are trying to understand love or if you are trying to find love or if you are trying to give love, stop. ‘You’ will not understand it, ‘you’ will not find it, ‘you’ cannot give it. ‘You’ / the ‘I’ / the ego is the biggest hurdle in the way of love, the biggest hurdle in the way of true relationship. Just remove that hurdle and love will be. 

Start peeling away the layers of ‘I’ / the ego, like peeling away the layers of an onion. That is the path of the disciple / the seeker. And actually you don’t have to do anything. If you just stop doing everything, if there is just silence and stillness, then in that silence and stillness, the layers start getting peeled away on their own. And one day, if you keep walking on the path of silence and stillness, when the last layer has been peeled away, you will disappear. You will cease to be and when you cease to be, love will be. True relationship will be.

Published by rogeramir

author and blogger, see also my posts on www.patreon.com/user?u=19310044

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